
Today is a very sad day. Our little Muffy has gone to dog heaven. To me, she wasn't just a dog, she was my little sister in a dog costume.
Muffy has been in our family for fourteen years. We got her from Blanche's family when she was only a few weeks old. I went up to Sutton with Mom and Grandma Edie to bring her home on New Year's Eve that year. Muffy rode home in the back seat of the van, nestled into my coat. As a young puppy, she had the colouring of a Rottweiller. As she grew, so did her hair, and its colour changed from black and brown to silver and blonde.
I'd often joke about how it was so obvious that Muffy was related to me; we had the same hair colour afterall.
Fourteen years is a long life for a dog. And Muffy had a good one. From trips to the cottage, rides in the car, squirrel hunts in the backyard - she was well travelled, because she was easy to take everywhere. When I first moved out on my own I used to bring her to my house for sleepovers. Sometimes they ended at nine o'clock when she'd stand at the front door and look at me as if to say, "Okay, you, it's time to take me home." Other times she'd curl up on a blanket or a pile of clothes on the floor, and just go to sleep.
A few years back a lady stopped on her walk by the house and asked Mom how old our dog was. Mom told her that the dog was seven, and the lady chatted for a while and continued on her stroll. i knew Muffy wasn't seven, because we'd adopted her when our friend's son, Garrod, was just a baby - and now he's a teenager. I rummaged around in the filing cabinet until I found her registration papers, and discoverd that no, she wasn't seven, she was thirteen. We laughed nearly every day about what a spry dog she was for being as old as seven.
I came home at lunch today, fearing the worst, and yet knowing that prolonging her suffering would just be selfish, and wrong. I sat and cried with Mom and Dad for a while, ate some lunch that had no taste at all (funny how shock does that to you), and went back to work where I tried to keep myself composed all afternoon.
I was afraid of how to break the news to Logan... but by the time I got home, Dad had already told him. Logan greeted me with a big hug when I walked around the house to the backyard.
"Are you sad about Muffy, Mom?"
That's when I lost it. After a lot of tissue, lots of sniffles and a few more hugs, we talked about Muffy and how she was old and it was her time to go.
"Poppa told me that it's okay to be sad, but that I shouldn't be too sad because Muffy's gone to a better place...so I'm not too sad, even though I'm sad", was Logan's synopsis of how he was feeling. Then he wandered off to play some more.
I'm proud of my father for knowing when it was time to end Muffy's suffering. If I ever get to the point where my body is failing, I'd like to think that someone who loves me can help me to get to a better place where there is no pain, and there are no struggles.
I shouldn't be too sad either. And I know that with each passing day, the grief that I'm feeling, and the empty sound of the house when someone rings the doorbell, and the little corner of the livingroom where Muffy's bed is - well, that will all turn from sadness into memories. I won't ever forget her.
I think I'll get to a point where I can talk about her, and all of the memories that I have, without tearing up. It's strange how grieving makes you remember all of the other things that you've lost. Muffy wasn't the first fur-person who was a part of my life, and she won't be the last, but she was with me the longest.
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." Anatole France.