To the Woman Beside Us in the Restaurant This Evening....

First of all, it really was very nice of you to take your mother out to the restaurant for supper. She looked like she really enjoyed herself. She was dressed very nicely, decked out in a Christmas sweater, wearing Christmas jewellery. Your dear mother must be in her nineties.

For goodness sake, when you decided it was time to pay the bill and leave the restaurant, you could have been more patient with her. It was obvious that she maybe didn't hear as well as you, and that she moved a little slower and more carefully (the walker was a dead giveaway). I can understand that it must be painful to watch someone you love grow older and slower - but I think you could have been more patient and kind.

Then again, what do I know - I don't know your life story and my own mother is still quite young and still does everything for herself. But if ever she needs a hand buttoning her coat, and doing up the zippers on her snowboots, or finding her gloves in her purse, I will certainly do everything in my power to help her. I'm sure it's not easy.

I remember sitting on the stairs while Mom told me to concentrate on pushing my foot into my shoe or boot. I remember Mom and Grandma both coaching me on how to make sure my fingers were all in the right spots in my gloves. I remember being told that I missed a button and should try it again. I remember being told all of these things without reproach, and without being belittled. I can't help but think that makes a HUGE difference. It's all in how you say it.

There really wasn't much sense in shuffling her out the door faster than she could comfortably walk. It seemed to me she was totally willing to be responsible for herself. She hung her purse on her walker with great care, buttoned her coat up to her neck, and looked down to be sure her boots were on securely before she moved an inch. It was obvious to her (and I) that you were frustrated with this. At that point you were already outside the door. You did reach back to hold it open for her. It's too bad you cannot remember being a little girl and having your mother hold the door open for you while you walked out under her arm, or holding her hand. Perhaps even walking at a pace you were comfortable with and capable of.

I'm not religious, but "Honour thy father and mother" rang through my head while I watched you scoff and sneer and roll your eyes. I think that the fifth commandment still applies, even when 'thy mother' is elderly and slow. Seriously.

And that's all I have to say about that. And I'm posting this here in hopes that in 25 years when my parents ARE elderly, that I too will remember this. It's so important.